Clowning Around
by downtonabbey15
Summary: "Attention associates: We've got a Spiderman stuck in a toilet seat in aisle two." A Halloween party goes wrong, and the boys are left to pick up the pieces. James and Kendall deal with a killer clown, and Logan and Carlos have an. . . interesting time at Home Depot. For the BTR Plot Adoption Forum's Halloween Challenge.
1. Chapter 1

**10/9/19**

**Update: 10/19/19**

**Hey guys! I'm back with another story! This is for the BTR Plot Adoption Forum's Halloween Challenge! It was originally pre-BTR, but those don't count so I edited it, lol (finally! Only took me like a week and a half with my lack of motivation). Whoopsie on my part, so I made more work for myself by having to re-work this chapter and my outline. **

**This shouldn't be very long at all, just a few chapters, but hopefully it'll be pretty funny. My school schedule's nuts right now so I have no idea when I'll be updating, but hopefully I can devote my weekends to this and my other stories. **

**WARNING: This story has clowns, so. . .for any of you out there who are like me and are terrified of clowns, just a heads up.**

**I'll shut up now. Enjoy! **

* * *

"There's a clown at the door."

Few sentences could rouse a person as quickly as _that _could.

Seventeen-year-old James Diamond's eyes flew open as his heart began to pound in his chest. He rolled over in bed almost instantly, expecting to see a serial killer or a ghost or some dream-induced character. Instead, he could see the shadowy form of Carlos standing at his bedside, brow furrowed in concern. Realizing he was no longer dreaming, it took him a moment to register that the statement must have come from Carlos.

He stared at him, then at the alarm clock on his nightstand. The red LED letters blared a very frustrating 2:14 a.m. He turned back to him. ". . .What?" he muttered a bit incoherently, still half-asleep.

Carlos was silent, simply pointing out of their open bedroom door towards the hallway. "There's a clown at the door," he repeated. "He wants to come in.

James' brow furrowed as he struggled to come to awareness. "'Litos, are you sleepwalking?"

"No!" Carlos whispered harshly. "I got up to get a drink of water because I couldn't sleep, and I heard someone knock at the door. I looked out and it was a clown and he was all like, 'Can I come in?' and I got creeped out so I came and got you."

James sighed, unwilling to leave his warm blanket cocoon at 2:15 in the morning when it was likely his friend was simply half-awake and seeing things. "Carlos, just go back to bed. The door's locked, he can't get in here. You're fine."

Carlos didn't say anything, just stuck his lip out a bit and pouted, though the expression was hardly visible in the dark. James heaved an exaggerated sigh, throwing back his covers and standing before beginning to make his way out into the hallway.

He supposed he should have expected this. The new "ClownTown" movie had come out last week, and Kendall had practically been on his knees begging for money to go see it. Mrs. Knight initially refused, but her son was nothing if not persuasive. The other 75% of BTR, always up for a good action film, readily agreed to go. And, naturally, Carlos had had nightmares the past two days in a row. He'd ended up bouncing in between rooms, making James stay up until he fell asleep or camping out on the floor of Kendall and Logan's bedroom.

James himself hadn't been resting well since the movie either, though. It took him ages to fall asleep, buried under layers of blankets as though they would shield him from any clowns who happened to walk through his door. He really wasn't too keen on wandering the halls in the dark at night, not with the all too fresh images of homicidal Ronald McDonalds still in his mind.

They took a quick trip down swirly before creeping carefully towards the front door. James peered blearily through the peephole into the hallway. Thank God, there wasn't a deranged clown in the Palmwoods (he honestly might have peed himself if there were). He gestured for Carlos to look himself. "There's nothing out there. What did he look like?"

"How am I supposed to know? It's dark! He had a red wig, that's all I could see. He was there," Carlos insisted. "He told me to let him in so we could hang out."

James shuddered. "Wow, thanks for putting _that_ in my head right before I go back to sleep."

"_Jamesssssss." _

James suppressed a yawn. "Carlos, I swear there's nothing in there. And besides, I've got three different canisters of pepper spray and a _bowling ball _under my bed. Him and his silly string won't stand a chance."

Carlos looked uneasily at the door. "But what if he comes back?"

James sighed. "Would it make you feel better if we barricade the door?"

The younger boy immediately brightened and flashed James a thumbs up. James chuckled lightly, amused despite the interruption of his sleep. "Come on, help me with the couch."

They managed, somehow, to wedge the orange L-shaped couch in front of 2J's door. James was certain it would be an absolute bear to remove the next morning, but it brought a relieved smile to Carlos' face and sent him straight to bed, to James' relief. He followed him and made for his own bed but stopped. He hesitated, then headed towards the window. He cautiously peeked outside.

Nada. No clowns.

"Thank You," he whispered heavenward as he turned off the light. He did the typical dive under the covers and burrowed deep inside his cocoon. No clowns were getting in tonight.

He hoped.

* * *

"Why was the couch up against the door this morning?" Kendall asked as the group stepped out of the limo and made their way into Rocque Records' lobby the next afternoon. "It took Logan and me ages to get it out."

James furrowed his brow in what hopefully seemed like genuine confusion. "Woah, I have no idea. That's weird, right Carlos?" He elbowed the younger boy a bit harshly in the ribs.

"Yeah!" Carlos piped up, perhaps a bit too quickly. "That's like, _super _weird." Kendall looked at them both a bit quizzically, but said nothing. "Anywayyyyy," Carlos continued, hoping to change the subject. He smacked the button to call for the elevator. "Halloween's in a week and we seriously need to start thinking about our costumes. Are we matching this year?"

"We're not matching," Logan said quickly, pulling a book out of his backpack and leaning against the wall. "That's weird, man."

Kendall quickly took the book from his hands handed it to James, who pinched it hesitantly between two fingers before dropping it in his own bag. "Logan, no reading. We have more important things to talk about," Kendall chided, pulling a notepad and pen from his bag.

"I doubt Halloween costumes are more important than my study of cytoplasm."

James gagged. "You just killed me a little, dude. Why do you read that stuff?"

"'Cause it's interesting," Logan answered, at the same time that Carlos chuckled, "'Cause he never wants a girlfriend."

"Hardee har har."

"Okay, seriously," Kendall interrupted, beginning to scribble on his notepad. "We need to map out our trick-or-treating route. Last year _sucked_. I only got like, four Hershey bars."

James smacked the top of the seat. "We're 100% hitting up the Rosewood complex. Guitar Dude says they give out individual _bags _with like, five pieces _each._"

Carlos' eyes lit up. "Dude, that's like, 5x4 for each of us!"

"What?" Logan scoffed, nearly choking on his water. "That's not. . .never mind. And wait. . . Guitar Dude still trick-or-treats? How old is he?"

Carlos' eyes narrowed in seriousness. "Um, you're _never _too old to get free candy."

Kendall held up a surprisingly accurate mini-drawing of their neighborhood and the surrounding apartment complexs. "Are we getting a curfew extension this year?" he asked. "'Cause staying out until 8:30 is so unfair. People hand stuff out for like, over an hour after that."

"And this year it's on a Saturday," James pointed out.

"Exactly! I think we can weasel our way to nine or nine thirty, don't you?"

Logan nodded. "Definitely. So, hey. I started doing some math during lunch-"

"Ughhhhh," Carlos groaned, dropping his head onto the top of the seat with a thump. "Logan, lunch is for relaxing and escaping the horrors of our education system. It's not for doing more homework."

"For your information, I compiled a list of every neighborhood within a three-mile radius, as well as each complex's average apartment participation percentage. I then multiplied that by our walking speed, as well as our trick-or-treating abilities," he began to dig around in his bag and pulled out his own notebook, "and voila." He held up a much more detailed depiction of their county, complete with various mathematical scribbles and arrows indicating where they would be going and when. "The perfect trick-or-treating route. It's literally perfect, I quadruple checked the math."

Carlos yanked the notepad out of his hands and gave a giddy squeal. "Dude, you're a genius!"

Logan shrugged. "I know. I keep saying that, but no one believes me."

Finally, the elevator light pinged as the doors slid open. The boys courteously moved aside as a few people exited before entering and pressing the button for the top floor.

Carlos continued staring at the map, seemingly awestruck as they waited for the doors to close. "I don't know what any of this means, but it's still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"What about a corndog?" James asked with a smirk.

Carlos' brow furrowed. "Oh, well. . . dang it, man! Now I feel bad that I said that about corndogs!"

James laughed, taking the map to look it over himself. "I bet they'll forgive you."

Carlos chuckled lightly, continuing to eye Logan's handiwork before letting his eyes drift over the lobby. The ground floor, though small, was home to several offices, and nearly every door or entry hall was decorated for the upcoming holiday.

Something caught his eye, and he squinted. His stomach sank. One office had a human-sized _clown statue _in their entry hall, complete with a grungy looking white suit with giant red buttons, a red nose, and a matching wig. Wow, that wasn't terrifying at all. He hoped they intended to hand out candy to their coworkers or something because anyone who braved walking next to _that thing _deserved a gold medal. Carlos was fairly certain he wouldn't be able to do it. The elevator doors began to close, and as they did, the clown statue. . . _turned _its head and began to _wave at them?! _

Carlos had to do a double take, and he held his breath as he peered through the gap in the doors. The statue suddenly stepped away from the office door and took a few steps towards the elevator. Carlos' stomach lurched, and he nearly cried out. That wasn't a statue; it was a _person _in a freaking _clown suit _staring at them.

The boys, oblivious, continued chattering beside him as they discussed Logan's trick-or-treat route. No one else in the lobby seemed to notice the clown, who was now coming slowly towards them, still waving. The doors closed with a soft thump, and calm but cheerful music surrounded the boys as the elevator began to ascend. Carlos leaned back against the wall, shaken.

Was that real? Well, his _fear _certainly was. But then again, he _had _seen that scary movie a few days ago. And he had been sort of imagining that freaky, homicidal clowns would be popping out of nowhere just to scare him out of his mind. And he _had, _according to James, dreamed up a weird burglar-ish clown last night. Maybe he really had imagined it.

Or maybe he hadn't.

* * *

**Thoughts? Did Carlos just imagine it, or is there a clown stalking the BTR boys? Please review and have a great day peeps! **

**God bless, much love **

**-downtonabbey15**


	2. Chapter 2

**3/21/2020**

**AN: Wow, hey guys! So, I've overcome my laziness and finally got around to posting the next chapter for this! I'm home now for a while, so hopefully I'll have a bit more time to write. I'm actually working on a "Chronicles of Narnia" story right now, so I'm sorry if my BTR story updates slow down (not like they've been quick lately, lol). I'm sorry for that, by the way. I've had a lot of writer's block lately. **

**I hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

"Dude, I'm telling you," Carlos insisted. "They count."

Logan sighed in exasperation, holding the lobby door open for a smirking Kendall and James as they returned to the Palmwoods that evening. "Carlos, do you have any idea what they do to those fish when they make them into fish sticks? They're so fried and artificially enhanced that they're barely fish anymore. They do not count towards the food pyramid."

"But they're still fish!" Carlos cried. "And isn't oil some kind of nutrient?"

"Not when it's-"

"Hey, dudes," a voice suddenly whispered behind them. Logan and Carlos stopped their bickering as the four turned. Guitar Dude was standing half-hidden behind a large potted plant by the elevator. He motioned them over, holding a finger to his lips.

"Hey," Kendall greeted quietly when they reached him. He glanced around curiously. "What's up, man?"

Guitar Dude produced a small, rectangular card from his pocket and held it out to them, grinning. "Halloween, 8:30, my place," he whispered. "Bitters is gonna be out of town so it's time to part-tayyyyy!"

James chuckled, grinning. "Sweet, man. We'll be there."

Guitar Dude smiled. "Radical, dudes," he said quietly before disappearing behind the plant again.

The boys headed towards the elevator, and Kendall pressed the button as he peered at the invitation in his hand. "Dude, this is gonna be _nuts._"

"Duh," James chuckled. "If Bitters is gonna be outta town, then yeah." His brow furrowed. "I'm gonna have to put a lot more work into my costume now. There's probably gonna be some girls there."

"I'm going as a college student," Logan announced rather nonchalantly.

James stared at him. "I'm sorry, what? What part of, 'there's probably gonna be some girls there' didn't you understand? Girls aren't gonna ask out a guy dressed as a college nerd."

Logan scoffed. "Dude, with that new movie out, everyone's gonna be dressed as clowns."

_Clowns?! _Carlos' eyes widened.

Kendall nodded. "He's right. And if there are clowns, even Logan might look more appealing than most of the guys there."

"Yeah," Logan nodded. He stopped. "Hey!"

"What are you going as, Carlos?" James asked, nudging his friend with his elbow.

"Uh, I don't know yet," Carlos said quickly.

Kendall chuckled. "You don't look very excited. I thought you loved a good party."

"Eh," Carlos replied, shrugging.

The atmosphere of the room plummeted, and the boys fell into a stark silence as they all simultaneously stared at Carlos. The elevator opened with a ding, but it didn't break their gazes. Carlos began to feel nervous, and he took a step backward. . . well, as far back as he could in an elevator. "Are you guys trying to stare into my soul?"

"Did you-"

"-just say-"

"'eh?!'"

Logan shot forward and pressed a hand to the younger boy's forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"

Carlos shrugged the hand off, stepping a bit further back and chuckling nervously. "Um, yeah? I just, don't know if I'm up for it, ya know?" He quickly stepped out of the elevator and made his to 2J, pushing open the door and heading inside.

"Why wouldn't you be?" Kendall asked as they followed him.

Carlos shrugged again. "I don't know. I'm just not feeling it."

"Why?" Logan continued a bit incredulously.

Carlos paused at the fridge, one hand on the door handle. "I just don't really wanna be surrounded by people in clown suits that's all."

Kendall resisted the urge to chuckle. "Are you scared of them?"

Carlos winced uneasily. "Well. . ."

James shook his head. "Carlos. . ."

"It's just that. . ."

"Don't say it. . ."

"THERE WAS A CLOWN AT THE DOOR LAST NIGHT AND HE WANTED TO COME IN BUT I GOT SCARED SO I TOLD JAMES AND WE BARRICADED THE DOOR AND HE SAID I WAS JUST DREAMING AND I BELIEVED HIM BUT THEN TODAY AT THE STUDIO I SAW THE EXACT SAME CLOWN IN THE LOBBY AND I THINK HE'S STALKING US."

Carlos hesitantly opened one eye to peer at his friends. The boys stood dumbfounded, staring at him almost blankly.

Kendall turned to James. "So, it _was _you two who barricaded the door with the couch!"

"I just did that so he wouldn't freak out-" the brunette stammered.

"Was there actually a clown?" Logan inquired.

"I didn't see one-"

"He was there!" Carlos argued, crossing his arms.

Kendall peered at him as though he were a small child. "Are you sure?"

Carlos' face fell, and he took a step back. "You guys don't believe me?"

Kendall struggled to find his voice. "No, buddy, that's not it. We just. . . you could've been dreaming."

"But I wasn't."

"'Litos," Logan began. "This building is locked up all night. And there are security cameras all over the place. Bitters would stop stuff like that ASAP, you know that."

"I know, but. . ." Carlos stopped, staring at them with a kicked puppy type of look. "I wouldn't lie about this. It was _creepy._"

"We know that, Carlos," Kendall assured. "Just. . .maybe you were really tired and the lighting wasn't great, you know? And we saw that movie this week and it was probably stuck in your head and you just. . ."

"Imagined it?" Carlos finished. He scoffed. "Thanks a lot, guys." He turned on his heel and began to head up the stairs to his bedroom, ignoring their calls.

"'Litos, come on!"

"Don't take it like that!"

"I'm not stupid!" Carlos called over his shoulder, standing on the ledge above swirly. "I know what I saw!" He turned away again, entering his room and letting the door shut with a loud thump. He dropped rather dramatically onto his bed and heaved a sigh.

He saw that clown. He _knew _he did. Why didn't the guys believe him? _Probably because you're a baby and you always exaggerate everything. _He cupped his hand under his cheek and exhaled through his nose. He _did _exaggerate a lot. But still. . . they were his friends. He would believe them, no matter how weird their stories sounded!

Carlos flopped onto his back and gazed forlornly up at the ceiling. _Oh, well_, he thought. _Who needed to go to a stupid clown-infested Halloween party anyway?_

* * *

"Dir nir nir dir nir nir," James sang, humming along with the Michael Meyers song playing through the radio. He popped the cap off a bottle of Cuda and drenched his head, shutting his eyes and mouth but continuing to hum as he did so. He set the bottle back on his dresser, peering at his Captain America costume in the mirror. "I think I look good," he muttered. He was gonna be a hit at Guitar Dude's party for-

The lights suddenly flickered off, and the music from the radio abruptly stopped. James' gaze flickered over towards the other side of the room. Carlos sat up in his bed, dropping his comic book and meeting James' eyes with an equally confused look.

"What happened?" James asked, to which Carlos shrugged. James sighed. "Come on, man. Don't stay home."

Carlos grabbed his phone and shined it on the comic book, intent on continuing to ignore his friend. He was clad in jeans and a sweatshirt; clearly not planning to trick-or-treat or attend Guitar Dude's party. James wasn't sure he'd ever seen Carlos hold a grudge this long, and truthfully, it unnerved him.

The doorbell rang, followed by Logan's voice from down the hall. "James! Carlos! Can one of you get that?"

"Got it!" James called, hurrying into the hallway and down the swirly slide before jogging to the front door. He nearly tripped on the way, struggling to see through the dimly lit room. He smoothed his hair back, just in case it was a girl, and pulled open the door.

"Good evening-" He broke off, eyes widening in shock and horror. Standing in the doorway was a clown the size of a grown man, sporting a grimly painted face, a red nose, and a bright red wig. He was holding a balloon, and he cocked his head to the side and smiled when he saw James.

James yelped, slamming the door behind him and pressing his body up against it. "Guys!" he screamed. The clown began kicking the door behind him, and he whimpered. "Guys, help!"

The door rattled, and James sank to the ground, struggling to hold it in place. The lock rattled, and suddenly the doorknob flew off with a snap. James screamed, bolting towards the swirly slide as the door flew open and the clown stormed in.

"There's a clown in the living room!" James hollered, climbing up swirly with a speed that would rival the Flash. "Guys, there's a clown! Code 9,278!"

Logan came flying out of his bedroom, pulling a Harvard Med School sweatshirt over his head as he did so. "What the heck is going on?!"

James crashed into him, practically leaping onto the shorter boy's back as he squealed. "There's a clown in the living room!" he whispered loudly.

Logan rolled his eyes, moving nonchalantly towards the banister. "First Carlos, now you. James, I promise there's-" He peered over the balcony into the living room and promptly screamed. "-ohmygoshthere'saclownholycrowohmygoshsomeonegetthefireextinguisherahhhhhhhhhhhh!" He sprinted towards his bedroom with James hot on his tail. They flew inside, slamming the door closed and locking it behind them. Logan collapsed to the floor, panting, as James dragged a nightstand in front of the door.

Kendall came out of their bathroom, clad in a massive white coat and sweatpants that bulged with. . . something that was obviously not Kendall. "What are you guys doing?"

"There's a clown downstairs," Logan answered quickly, a hand on his heart. "The clown Carlos said he saw? It's real and it's in our living room!"

"Yeah!" James added. "It broke down the door and-" He turned and fell silent when his eyes landed on Kendall. "What the heck are you supposed to be?"

Kendall's eyes looked James over, narrowing as he took in his costume. "What are _you _supposed to be?"

"Um, I'm Captain America?"

Kendall looked at him incredulously, ripping off the coat and pants to reveal his _own _Captain America costume, complete with several fake muscles. "Uh, _I'm _going as Captain America!"

"What?!" James gasped. "That's not fair, I was dressed first!"

"Nu uh, I've been dressed for like, twenty minutes! Tell him, Logan!"

"Uh," Logan mused. "I think we have more pressing issues here!" He gestured to the door.

"No, the fact that he thinks he can pull off Captain America compared to _me_ is a more pressing issue." James flexed his arms. "Dude, you can't compete with my stunning good looks and clearly toned physique."

Kendall poked one of his 'biceps.' "Oh, yeah you've really been working out haven't you? Takes weeks to gain styrofoam like this." James smacked his hand away as the blond giggled.

"_Guys_!" Logan hissed, pointing at the door. "Bigger. Issues."

"Right," Kendall said quickly. His eyes widened. "Where's Carlos?"

James gasped. "He's still in our room. He doesn't know."

Logan added a chair to the top of the nightstand as an added barricade. "Welp, he's dead to us."

"Logan!" Kendall exclaimed. "What happened to 'all for one and one for all?'"

"Um, that was for the Three Musketeers, and there are _four _of us. Logically, to ask a person to give up everything for _three _people as opposed to _two_, it's quite unfathomable-"

"We don't care!" James exclaimed. "We've gotta go save Carlos!"

"'Kay," Kendall began authoritatively. "Everybody grab a weapon."

They scoured the room for a few moments, each emerging with their own chosen items. Kendall (obviously) had a hockey stick, Logan had a baseball bat, and James had-

"Is that my Latin Medical Dictionary?" Logan questioned, horrified.

"Yep," James answered simply with a shrug. "You could kill a person with this thing."

"It's not _that _heavy."

". . . I didn't mean by _hitting them_, I meant by making them _read it_."

"Focus!" Kendall shouted.

Logan grabbed the book and set it carefully on his bed. "Find something useful and _stop _abusing my medical compendiums!"

Kendall's brow furrowed as James gave an exaggerated sigh and began to search for a new weapon. "Your what?"

"I got it!" James cried, heaving something into his arms and turning around. It was a bowling ball.

Logan gave a tight nod. "Good thinking, Jamie. Way to consider practicality."

"Thanks! I tried."

"Okay," Kendall said, rolling his eyes and shifting the massive blockade Logan had positioned in front of their bedroom door. He quietly unlocked the door, placing his hand on the knob. "On the count of three, ready? One, two. . ."

He yanked open the door, flying out silently into the hallway with his hockey stick ready. Logan and James quickly followed, their footsteps equally as silent and their weapons out. James motioned to his own room with a nod of his head.

"I'll get Carlos," he whispered. Kendall and Logan nodded, and Kendall sent a quiet, "Be careful," as the taller boy quickly moved towards the door.

He entered slowly, immediately realizing that Carlos was no longer on his bed. "Carlos?" he whispered, almost inaudibly.

No response.

James tightened his grip on the bowling ball, swallowing his fear and searching the dark room for any signs of the clown. A sudden rustling in the bathroom made him stop short. The sound stopped almost immediately after his own footsteps stopped, and James gave a battle cry, flying into the bathroom and raising the ball over his head defensively. Almost immediately, he was met with a sharp crack of something hard across the top of his head. He cried out, the bowling ball flying from his hands and smashing into something with a loud clatter. He hit the ground and brought his arms up, ready to potentially gauge out the clown's eyes when the bathroom light suddenly flicked on.

Kendall and Logan stood in the doorway, both looking equally as shocked as the other. The shower curtain was immediately swept aside to reveal Carlos, looking guiltily at James and the hockey stick in his own hands. Well, James thought to himself, at least it wasn't _actually _the clown.

He would've laughed if he hadn't heard Logan curse lightly under his breath. James sat up, confused, before looking towards where the other three were staring.

The toilet was completely shattered, the weight of the bowling ball having smashed it to pieces. Water was beginning to seep out of the base, forming a puddle. James immediately stood, because, well. . . yuck.

"Welp," Logan began, breaking the awkward silence that had settled. "We're dead."

* * *

**AN: So, the boys destroyed the toilet and there's a homicidal clown on the loose in the Palmwoods. What could go wrong? Please leave a review! **

**God bless and much love and prayers, **

**-downtonabbey15**


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